Waking the Proles

How to train your parrot.

imageThe following piece is from the blog Orwelliania. It is defintiely worth the read.


First, buy your parrot a TV. Place parrot in front of set. Tune to mainstream media channel. To your amazement, the parrot will soon pick up the prescribed talking points of the week and be able to repeat them back as if it knows what it’s talking about. Curiously, the dumber the bird, the better it will be at this.

Second, constantly repeat key phrases whenever you are in the room with your parrot. Parrots are very good imitators of other people’s words, so your phrases can be fairly complicated and the parrot will still eventually pick them up. Try, ‘if you’re not doing anything wrong, there’s really nothing to fear from the NSA’. You’ll be amazed by how quickly your parrot can learn this quite word-heavy meme. Simpler phrases can be picked up much faster. A good one to try right off the bat is, ‘only crazy people believe in conspiracies’, or the even more basic, ‘someone would’ve talked’.

I know these phrases just sound like pointless gibberish, but it can be quite amusing to hear such mindless certainty coming out of the beak of a . . . birdbrain.

Third, if you’re unhappy with your parrot’s progress, for instance you may be trying to train the little [birdie] to say, ‘ISIS is the new reason we have to give up all our rights’, but the parrot just keeps repeating ‘false flag, false flag!’ you may need to resort to threats.

Threats can be an effective technique in controlling your bird’s behavior. A method that I have found useful is to tune the parrot’s TV to a cooking channel where a chicken dinner is being prepared. As the parrot stares in shock and disbelief at the horror unfolding on the screen, repeat the phrase ‘they didn’t play along.’ over and over until it gets the message.

The above tips are all very effective tools for conditioning your bird. Give it a try yourself. You may enjoy the sense of power you experience when you achieve success.

Careful, though, it’s addictive.

Original article found here.