Wishing I was half the dad my kids thought I was.

imageToday we celebrate fathers. Today my family celebrates me. Today will be bittersweet.

Firstly, I had no father to celebrate when I was a wee lad.

Young boys growing up without a dad miss out on so many experiences that contribute to a healthy upbringing. I was no exception.

And what makes it harder to accept is that it didn’t have to be that way; he chose for it to be that way. All these years later I still bear that scar. It’s a wound that time has never healed and the weight of which my own wife and children have no idea that I carry.

Secondly, for me this day shines a light on my failures as a father, laying them bare and raw.

Today I will receive accolades and handmade cards with misspelled words telling me I’m the best dad in the world. But the truth is, I know I’m not . . . not even close . . . and that pains me terribly.

So today, while my family showers me with flowery platitudes, I will be troubled inside. I will be wishing I could be a better father and husband, and wondering if I would have been, if only my dad had stuck around to be that example.

Today, more than any other, I will be reminded that if I was half the dad my kids thought I was, I’d be doing all right.

For everyone else . . . Happy Father’s Day.

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9 thoughts on “Wishing I was half the dad my kids thought I was.

  1. Thank you for your comment, PoF. Sometimes part of the fear with exposing one’s soul is to find out that no one else was there to hear you (or in the blogging world . . . no one read it). So thank you for taking the time to not only read this post, but to offer your words of encouragement.

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    1. It is difficult and I try to think of it like this: even if no one responds at least I’ve done my part to share. Even if they only look at the blog then maybe the Lord has used it in a little way to help someone else who needs it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel this same way on Mother’s Day…the feeling *less than good enough*. I’m sorry you didn’t have a father around when you were growing up. That makes my heart break for you….little boys need their dads!!!

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    1. Thank you, Snarky and Winston, for your comments.

      Thank you, Katy, for your kind words. By the way, I’ve been a long time peruser of your blog (years) and am glad to see you here. Hope you come back for regular visits.

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  3. I have watched my 2 older Sons grow up without a father, They both have had a very rough, road.
    You my sweet cousin, are breaking the cycle. Your children are very blessed to have a stong, smart man. You must have an amazing Mother. I didn’t have a clue how to raise boys. You are doing all you need too, just by being there. . XO

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