Pain Rankings: The seven NFL teams who have caused their fans the most pain and suffering.

imageWhat better way is there to ring in the 2015 NFL preseason (beginning in two weeks) than by ripping open the wounds of fans whose teams have caused them the most pain and suffering for many years decades.

But please do not take pleasure in the misery of the fans of these teams . . . they have been through enough.

Without further ado, I introduce you to the NFL Pain Rankings, written by the witty Dan Hanzus. (Click on each team name for the full article.)

7). Kansas City Chiefs

image“Where were you the last time the Kansas City Chiefs won a playoff game? That would be Jan. 16, 1994, when 37-year-old Joe Montana led K.C. to a comeback win over the Houston Oilers at the Astrodome. Me? I was probably taping Ace of Base singles off Z-100 while plotting out a battle plan for the upcoming Spring Fling dance.”

6). Cincinnati Bengals
image

“The Bengals are the NFL’s Kings of What Might Have Been. With some better decisions, improved timing, maybe just a pinch of luck, they could be seen as one of the NFL’s most successful organizations. Think about that. The Bengals. But each time the Bengals approached greatness, they made a wrong turn or were otherwise detoured away from a better place in history.”

5). Minnesota Vikings

image“The Minnesota Vikings are a franchise committed to family: They have pain to share for all generations. For decades, they’ve bonded the people of the Upper Midwest with their ability to lift you up, then throw you down like a Prince thunder jam from the banks of Lake Minnetonka. Remember when the Metrodome roof collapsed a few years back? That’s what being a Vikings fan is like. Everything looks safe … beautiful even. And then … whoooooooooooooooosh.”

4). Detroit Lions

image“Lions fans are still waiting. The Super Bowl will celebrate its 50th anniversary next February, and you can safely assume the NFL will go all out to honor America’s grand sporting spectacle. If history is any indication, the league’s Detroit franchise won’t be anywhere near San Francisco.”

3). Buffalo Bills

image“On Jan. 20, 1991, the Buffalo Bills dropped a 51-3 bomb on the Los Angeles Raiders to become AFC champions. The Bills would go on to successfully defend that conference title in the three seasons that followed. It remains a remarkable achievement — one that might never be duplicated. Which makes it all the more cruel that this feat is not remembered for its success, but rather for its failure. That’s what happens when you follow each of those wins with a painful Super Bowl loss20-19. 37-24. 52-17. 30-13. No God-fearing citizen of Western New York will ever play that set of numbers in the lotto.”

2). New York Jets

image“Same old Jets. Seasons come and seasons go. As do players, coaches, owners, stadiums and Fireman Ed. Everything changes. Everything, except the Jets. For the past 45 years, they’ve remained the one New York team you can trust above all others to break your heart. (That’s a pretty big achievement in a market that also houses the Mets and Knicks.”

1). Cleveland Browns

image“How could it be anybody else? For the past two weeks, we’ve counted down the NFL teams and fan bases that have suffered the most through the years. Deciding where to slot each of the damned in the ‘top seven’ was a difficult process (a process, it must be acknowledged, I took waaaaay too seriously). The truth of the matter is that a case can be made for each of the teams to land anywhere in the first six spots. Each team except . . . the Cleveland Browns.”

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