Humor

The 10 Worst (But Still Popular) Christmas Songs

They’re awful. They’re popular. They’re back.

Behold my list of the worst Christmas music we’re all forced to endure every December. But what makes my list of worst Christmas songs unique?

The songs on my list are one’s you know. Songs you grew up listening to and can’t avoid hearing between Thanksgiving and New Year’s.

Most of the worst Christmas song lists you find on the Internet include songs you will never hear in the mall — songs so incredibly obscure you’ve likely never even heard them before. Songs like the Cheeky Girls’ Have a Cheeky Christmas, John Denver’s Please Daddy, Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas, and Tiny Tim’s Santa Clause Got The AIDS This Year.

Besides excluding these (and other) outlandish songs, my list also doesn’t contain wanna-be Christmas songs like Wham’s Last Christmas that’s more about a broken relationship than Christmas, or the song Christmas Wrapping by the Waitresses that’s about a year-long inability to coordinate a date until the two run into each other at a grocery store buying cranberries. Seriously.

Instead, I’ve chosen to stick to the worst of popular Christmas songs— the one’s that are played on the radio (over and over and over) every year at this time.

And my list is no joke. So bad are these songs, Paul McCartney’s universally hated Wonderful Christmastime didn’t even make the cut. That’s right. There’s at least ten songs worse than Wonderful Christmastime. (By the way, as bad as that song is, you have to admit, once you hear it you can’t get that tune out of your head.)

So, without further ado, here is my personal list of the 10 Worst (But Still Popular) Christmas Songs.

Continue reading here.

Writing Advice

This Christmas, give the gift of reading. 

You’re already busy enough, so allow me to remove some of your holiday stress with my “order it and forget about it” offer.

Season - WinterOrder one (or both) of my book(s) as a gift for someone this Christmas and here’s what you’ll receive:

1). I will personally address the book to the recipient on your behalf, including a handwritten message of your choice inside the cover. 

2). I will gift wrap the book(s) for no extra charge.

3). I will ship the book(s) directly to the recipient. No need for you to deal with going to the post office.

You read that correctly. Gift my book(s) to your loved ones and they’ll receive a signed copy with a personal message inside, gift wrapped, and drop shipped directly to them. It’s that easy. Just place your order and I do all the rest for you.

Find out more about my books here and place your order here.

Your loved one’s will appreciate this personalized and uniquely thoughtful gift. So order now, and leave the hassle of shopping, wrapping, and shipping to me.

Story: Saving Kennedy

A perfect stocking stuffer for that special Twilight Zone fan.

Still have to find something to buy for that special Twilight Zone fan?

Well you’ve found it! Check out this amazing deal.

But hurry, time is running out.

A 21st Century Rod Serling.” – Mark Escalera Sr. (Author: Heroes of Courage)

Think Twilight Zone with a touch of early [M. Night] Shyamalan.” – Greg Elsasser (Author: The Field Trip)

Story: Saving Kennedy

I just solved your holiday gift giving conundrum. (You’re welcome.)

Face it . . . right now you’re probably fretting over what to get that one family member who has everything, or that one co-worker who you know nothing about. And as time is running out, you’re seriously considering that overpriced and impersonal Pepperidge Farm gift basket, aren’t you? It’s ok to admit it, we’ve all been there.

Well don’t do it. I have a unique (and cheap) gift idea that will show everyone how thoughtful you are.

Order my book, Saving Kennedy for only $5.99 (a very economical price) and I will not only autograph it, but I will write whatever message you want in it. And if that’s not enough, I will even gift wrap it and send it directly to the person who will later shower you with praise for giving them such a great gift (offer available in the U.S. only).

That’s right, you don’t even have to get off the couch for this deal. Just place the order and I will personalize the book, gift wrap it, and ship it, freeing you up to bake more cookies, drink more eggnog, and relax longer by the fire.

Place your order today to ensure arrival by December 25th and leave the work to me.

Saving Kennedy contains two suspenseful tales about time travel gone wrong, the Kennedy assassination, and the consequences of the decisions we make. Both of the stories in this book (The Visitor and Alibi Interrupted) are also available individually as ebooks. These stories have received rave reviews and are being favorably compared to The Twilight Zone.

Story: Saving Kennedy

Your stocking stuffer will help a starving author.

img_0876Looking for a last minute stocking stuffer? Want to help a starving artist author?

If you have no idea what to get that special person for the holidays, then consider ordering my book Saving Kennedy, available now for only $5.99 at Amazon, CreateSpace, and Barnes & Noble.

Saving Kennedy features two short stories by J.L. Pattison about time travel, the JFK assassination, and the consequences of the choices we make.

ALIBI INTERRUPTED
When Stewart Hudson travels back in time to stop Lee Harvey Oswald from killing President Kennedy, he not only becomes Oswald’s alibi, but he also finds himself stuck in 1963.

To ensure Stewart gets it right this time, the wife of his future grandson confronts him before he leaves for 1963, and she quickly learns that meddling in the affairs of the past always has its consequences.

THE VISITOR
Theodore Garfield never believed the old farmer’s story about the day the stranger appeared in his cornfield. And Theodore was even more skeptical about the letter the visitor left behind detailing the gradual downfall of America beginning with the assassination of a future president named John F. Kennedy.

Years later the farmer’s story is all but forgotten until a young senator named John F. Kennedy is elected president. With the farmer and the letter now long gone, will Theodore be able to prevent one of the most tragic days in American history?

Order today to receive Saving Kennedy in time for the holidays, then take comfort in knowing the person who receives Saviving Kennedy will tell everyone what a great gift giver you are, and this hungry author will finally be able to order an extra packet of beef flavoring for his Top Ramen.

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